Tuesday, January 31, 2006
The Crunch Wrap Supreme Is Back!
I remember a news report that played on the television a few days ago. A low-income apartment complex near where I used to live when I was in the no-income bracket had caught fire, and the families had all gathered in the parking lot, still in shock. Except for one family.
This family was crying, and the mother in particular, was crying, but with shouting involved.
After a while, I turn my television to mute with subtitles on.
>WOMAN: My baby!
>My baby!
>My baby!
Whatever it was the reporter on the scene was saying was not represented in the subtitles. I decided to act on the assumption that it was profane, as the natural reaction one has to an upset woman is anger, violence, and belittlement.
After a few minutes of doubtlessly intense accusations of how she’s put on weight in the last couple of years, a newcomer appeared on the scene, with a baby. Unlike this woman, however, our new entrant had already managed to be back to their original weight from before they had gotten the baby, which served to only drive the point home, as she stopped her hysterical crying and accepted the message.
The bearer of child, was none other than a heroic Crunch Wrap Supreme. It had been grilled a bit more than it was used to in the rescue, and was offered a ride to the hospital by a bunch of college kids who had gathered in hopes to get on television.
The noble Wrap Supreme initially resisted the idea, as he didn’t want to impose. The students insisted it wouldn’t be out of their way, as they were heading to Deliciousville, which was over in the same area, anyhow.
I stopped watching the program at about that point. Despite the occasional interesting story, I generally find the news to be boring. I would rather watch “television” television. The kind that has a vested interest in me watching it, like convincing me to buy a Swiffer.
I kept up my regular watching of television for the next couple of days. Whilst fighting with myself over what products I should be influenced into purchasing in between acts of my favorite shows, I found my memory jogged by a commercial for Taco Bell.
The Crunch Wrap Supreme has recovered from its horrible burns, and has returned to its executive position at the fast food chain.
I turned to the king of research, the internet, in hopes of finding out the truth. It turns out the news report had been part of the outgrowth of a massive series of publicity stunts to reintroduce the Wrap Supreme. Sure, the building burned down, but who owned the building? It was bought by an real estate affiliate of the chain. The woman, she wasn’t even crying! It was all an act.
And the baby! Well, actually, I don’t know what the deal with the baby was. All I can really find out is that they left it there, as it didn’t want to go to the after party with everyone else.
Hopefully it has found work by now, as the weather is starting to get colder.
This family was crying, and the mother in particular, was crying, but with shouting involved.
After a while, I turn my television to mute with subtitles on.
>WOMAN: My baby!
>My baby!
>My baby!
Whatever it was the reporter on the scene was saying was not represented in the subtitles. I decided to act on the assumption that it was profane, as the natural reaction one has to an upset woman is anger, violence, and belittlement.
After a few minutes of doubtlessly intense accusations of how she’s put on weight in the last couple of years, a newcomer appeared on the scene, with a baby. Unlike this woman, however, our new entrant had already managed to be back to their original weight from before they had gotten the baby, which served to only drive the point home, as she stopped her hysterical crying and accepted the message.
The bearer of child, was none other than a heroic Crunch Wrap Supreme. It had been grilled a bit more than it was used to in the rescue, and was offered a ride to the hospital by a bunch of college kids who had gathered in hopes to get on television.
The noble Wrap Supreme initially resisted the idea, as he didn’t want to impose. The students insisted it wouldn’t be out of their way, as they were heading to Deliciousville, which was over in the same area, anyhow.
I stopped watching the program at about that point. Despite the occasional interesting story, I generally find the news to be boring. I would rather watch “television” television. The kind that has a vested interest in me watching it, like convincing me to buy a Swiffer.
I kept up my regular watching of television for the next couple of days. Whilst fighting with myself over what products I should be influenced into purchasing in between acts of my favorite shows, I found my memory jogged by a commercial for Taco Bell.
The Crunch Wrap Supreme has recovered from its horrible burns, and has returned to its executive position at the fast food chain.
I turned to the king of research, the internet, in hopes of finding out the truth. It turns out the news report had been part of the outgrowth of a massive series of publicity stunts to reintroduce the Wrap Supreme. Sure, the building burned down, but who owned the building? It was bought by an real estate affiliate of the chain. The woman, she wasn’t even crying! It was all an act.
And the baby! Well, actually, I don’t know what the deal with the baby was. All I can really find out is that they left it there, as it didn’t want to go to the after party with everyone else.
Hopefully it has found work by now, as the weather is starting to get colder.
# posted by David @ 9:33 PM 
